


Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow

by cm (mumblemutter)



Series: MBDTF [5]
Category: Covert Affairs
Genre: F/M, M/M, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-23
Updated: 2010-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-14 00:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/143119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumblemutter/pseuds/cm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All of the ways it could not have been.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aloislanz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aloislanz/gifts).



_1\. Now pick your next move, you could leave or live with it_

They have him under armed guard while they decide what to do with him; while they figure out if he'll live or not. Jai's mildly surprised that he's not just allowed to die so they don't have to deal with him - but then he figures it's either Arthur's blindingly obvious soft spot or they still need him for something. Probably the latter, but when he makes his regular visit to Arthur's office the man is tight-lipped and thoughtful, and all he says is, "How is he?"

"He might live yet. The doctors say it looks promising."

"Jai, you reali-"

"Yes."

Annie visits every day. Jai knows this because he watches the surveillance tapes, and as green as she is she's wise enough to not say anything of import. That the only reason she's allowed to visit in the first place is because she might say something of import. Not that she knows much to begin with. Mostly she just holds his hand and whispers that it'll be okay, that he'll wake up soon and everything will be okay.

Jai only visits once, late at night. He doesn't quite have the clearance, but being Henry Wilcox's son means you build up enough favors even before you become a company man. Ben is too pale and preternaturally still, and Jai stands there with his hands his pockets for a while, willing him awake. Or dead.

In the end he just leaves, just as Annie's coming in. She grabs Jai's arm and goes, "You'll help him, won't you." And the way she says it, it's a statement of fact, not a question, and Jai maybe falls in love with her a little bit, just for a brief flaring moment. He doesn't respond, and she looks momentarily confused before her attention shifts towards the room where Ben is.

Jai told her once, over one of the few dinners that they got a chance to have together, that she reminded him of her grandmother. Partly because he still thought they'd sleep together at some point, and partly because it was true. Not that he knew his maternal grandmother very well.

(She flew over when he was younger, all bright colors and the faint hint of cinnamon, steely-voiced and utterly unimpressed by Henry. They came from a family of doctors, and his mother was the only one in the immediate family without a doctorate to their name. She tried to inspire him for a while, and he still knows way too much about human anatomy. For a while there it almost worked. Even at that age though, Jai knew she wouldn't last long. Part of him knew his mother wouldn't last long either, the house was always hushed with the sound of her silent disappointment in his father and his father's not so silent disapproval of her. Not so much Romeo and Juliet after all, although Henry certainly liked to paint it that way. Image being everything, right up to the moment when he got bored and decided to trade her in.)

"Take care, Annie," he says, and she nods her head before moving on. Jai doesn't turn around to watch her head towards Ben. He nods his head sharply at the armed guard instead, and the guard nods back.

 

_2\. Never was much of a romantic, I could never take the intimacy_

It's hot in Columbo, in this safe house Jai only knows exists because once upon a time, Ben Mercer trusted him. Annie's taken to tying her hair into a damp blonde knot at the back of her neck, but she doesn't complain. Instead she keeps busy by buying food and making sure Ben's as comfortable as he can be. "He needs medical attention," she snaps at Jai on the first day, and Jai shrugs easily. "It's no use protecting him if he's only going to die."

"We could always just turn him in."

But she shakes her head, frustrated and annoyed. Jai thins his lips and says nothing. Not sure if he's cut out for this. He's not Ben: he was raised to be a company man, not a spook who's gone off the grid. It's an ill-fitting suit, and if Annie doesn't quite trust him, well. All it takes is a single phone call, he keeps telling himself. To fix everything, to go back to the life he's always been entitled to.

(Once, in a safehouse much like this one:

Ben's on the couch and they're both not talking about the girl that Jai almost married. Very beautiful, very intelligent, very, according to his father, _inappropriate_. "Coward," Ben says idly, and Jai grins, the smile tight over his skin.

"So you keep telling me. I don't think that word means what you think it means."

"I wouldn't let my fath-"

"That's because I've met your father, Ben." Introduced as an old college friend, Ben's father's eyes narrowing suspiciously as he muttered under his breath, _I don't recall as Ben had a friend like you._ They've been here for two days, and they're both starting to get antsy. Jai more than Ben, but that's mostly because Ben's got a bullet in his arm and is mostly hopped up on meds. Not enough to shut his mouth though. He's mumbling something that Jai can't quite catch now, it seems like -

"Well?"

Jai looks over at the bed. It's too small, and the mattress isn't of the best quality, nor is it entirely clean. Nothing new here, though. "Maybe," he says finally.

"Is that a yes or a no?"

Jai smiles.)

"Do you think he'll live," Annie says doubtfully, but it's day three and Ben's color is better and the doctor he managed to get did a semi-decent job in patching him up, so possibly he will, but Jai only shrugs as a response. Annie purses her lips, and says determinedly, "He'll live."

"Possibly."

She turns to him them. "Will you stay?"

"I don't know yet," Jai answers truthfully.

 

_3\. Baby I got a plan, runaway fast as you can_

Spooks don't get twelve gun salutes, they don't get important men giving heartfelt eulogies on how well they served their country. They're lucky they don't get an unmarked grave and someone to spit on it before the dirt is poured.

Annie hides her face behind a veil, but Jai can tell she's been crying. He stands next to her and holds her hand, and she clutches it gratefully. "How long did you know him," she asks him at one point, under her breath.

"Longer than you," he replies. Longer than two weeks. Long enough for the shine to wear off, that's for damn sure. But he's here nonetheless, and possibly he should say something nice about Ben Mercer before they lower his coffin into the ground. He doesn't though; instead he just holds Annie's hand and tries to see who's watching. There will be someone, this he knows for certain.

"I'd like to go back to Sri Lanka," she says afterwards, in the car, as he's driving her home. Her veil over her head, and she looks happier now, the smile almost breaking her face once or twice. "There's this place he brought me once."

"Yeah, he does that."

Annie shoots him a curious look, but says nothing.

(Once:

In a hole-in-a-wall in Cape Cod, Ben talks in low, measured tones about an arms dealer who really should be dead. Jai can't quite disagree with his opinion, but feeds him the party line nonetheless: the big picture, the greater good, the long game. Ben mostly just laughs and shakes his head as a response, and pours them more bad wine, because this conversation usually only ends in one place, and that place is mostly enough for them to forget this conversation.

This time though, Ben says, "You sound exactly like your father, do you know that."

Jai slams the glass that he's been holding down - not exactly a wine glass, and not exactly clean, but this is Ben, and he's of the opinion that he's a local wherever in the world he is, and by "local" he means "being buds with the proprietor of whichever dive that's supposedly a secret to all but a select few." But Ben's always been good at blending, passably. Jai, not so much.

"And you sound like an idealist."

"Funny, that's what I thought I was when I joined the agency. Interesting how things work out."

"Would you like more wine?"

"I would like Patel dead."

"You can't always get what you want, Ben."

Ben doesn't respond, and that, really, should have been Jai's first clue.)

"Do you think he'll be waiting for me," Annie says, and he turns to face her briefly before turning his attention back to the road.

"Where? Your home or Sri Lanka?"

"Both. Either. He - he told me to pass you a message. He said -"

"Don't," Jai says tiredly. "I know what he says. Just, don't."


End file.
